Lilliane writes: ‘I create Chaos and start fights with my husband when I stay in the same place for “too long”.’

#TCKproblems

This article is for you… 

… if you identify as a TCK or Global Nomad and find yourself creating Chaos or picking fights in your romantic relationship when you start to feel restless because you have not travelled in a while. 

…if you want to learn how to finally handle this urge, in a way that does not create a rift with your lover. Yet, not giving up an inch of your TCK identity. 

Problem 🙂 

Staying in the same place for an extended amount of time can pose a challenge for a TCK Modern Queen. She gets restless and without awareness and self-management. I see many of my clients (myself included in the past) create Chaos and fights coming from this. 

Whenever things feel settled, and there is too much routine, we need to throw up all the cards in the air? Sounds familiar? 

Here is my 4 Step Solution for Lilliane and anyone who can relate. 

1.) Acceptance of being a TCK Queen and loving it. 

What helped me the most is to understand and accept that this is part of who I am. The more I tried to not be like a typical TCK or to talk myself out of feeling this way. The more I tried to suppress it or wish to be like a non-TCK. The more this would run me and get the better of me. I would create random fights when I felt restless and stuck. The mild version would be decluttering the house and moving furniture. I still do that, but more to this later. 🙂  When I understood that I need to embrace this as a part of who I am and find healthy ways of dealing with it. Which at the same time allowed me to stay in a committed relationship. All the pressure I was under suddenly got lifted off my shoulders. 

2.) Awareness and access.

Learn to understand the difference between the draining expression of being a TCK. And the positive fun part you crave and want to go for. The need to create fights and Chaos. Getting restless and looking for turmoil can, when an unattended become a destructive force. What I teach my private clients is to notice when she is going there and how to catch herself and course correct. 

Yet, the like for travels the ability to adapt and understand other people really well. So as the strength to keep calm in the eye of a storm is something we can take pride in. Find a way to channel and use it. I can say I can enjoy that I am TCK since I learned how to handle the restless feelings when they flare-up. And I am happy to help you get there too. 

3.) Develop individual hacks and tools to manage yourself Modern Queen Style. After getting married and settling down in Dublin. With my husband’s work here. I developed my own ways of feeling calm and not stuck. For example, and that is a fun one, I know many of my clients do. 😉 It’s going to the airport and having a coffee there. Just breathing in the air of travel, everything in motion makes me feel calm. I do this since I am a teenager. I would take the bus to the airport nearby and spend some time there. I still sleep the best in a hotel, and the moment I enter the lobby and know this is just passing through, I feel calm and centred. Hence why you will find me going to hotels in Dublin, just because I like it. Leading to the next solution step, I give my clients. 

3.) Taking responsibility for your happiness and not expecting your husband to take on this part for you. Makes you an empowered modern woman and can solve a lot of issues that you will then realize, are not due to being with a non-TCK partner. When you are getting too overly focused on your husband and the relationship. And when you are expecting your husband to fill all your needs; that of fellow female friends and family members abroad. You will get disappointed. Creating a healthy daily routine, and meeting other women even if only for coffee or sauna and spa can make such a difference. That is what I do and keep telling my clients to do. You will ALWAYS feel stuck and unhappy in your marriage if you expect him to provide all the fun and excitement. 

4.) Understanding the difference between romantic relationship skills and TCK baggage. There is often this confusion and thinking: ‘This is because he is not a TCK like me.’ or ‘This is because we are stuck because we have settled down.’ And travelling or moving to a new country is going to solve it. When, in fact, learning romantic relationship skills are the real answer to the situation. 

If this speaks to you, my coaching system is tailor-made just for you. It covers what in my experience as a fellow TCK and certified dating and love coach is needed the most, to call in your Soulmate King and create this romantic love you dream of. 

Love, 

Anna Eden 

Update: Lilliane started private coaching with me after she read this article and after 4 sessions in she feels the issue has been resolved. 

She writes. ‘Anna, coaching with you was the best thing I could have ever done for my marriage. 

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