Why intimacy fears in romantic relationships can double up for my TCK clients.

#TCKproblems

This article is for you if …

… you identify as a TCK or Global Nomad and know all about the challenges this brings for a romantic relationship. 

… you want to understand yourself better and take action steps towards creating lasting romantic Love for yourself. 

To understand why for TCK intimacy fears and aversion to getting emotionally invested can double up. It is essential to comprehend TCK friendships and lifestyle.

Those Leaving parties, who doesn’t know them. We had them ever since I can think. It is customary to bring a present. And you are involved in the tradition usually from the first week you are in a new place. I remember attending a leaving party on a Sunday after I had just arrived in Beijing on Friday. Another custom is that you will especially now with Facebook, meet these people again somewhere else eventually. We all know the drill. You update your status on Facebook saying I am in the city or having a stopover “Anyone up for a coffee?” I met a friend from China in Geneva, and we went for Chinese food. Not finding it tasting Chinese at all. Which makes us snobs to non-TCK and why we TCK bond so closely. 

Another of my closest friends jumped on a train to meet my husband and me when we had a stopover in Barcelona. She worked in Spain at the time. Her and I go way back to our time in Russia. My friend from University in Jordan and I crossed paths at a wedding in Vienna. When we meet, it is always as we have never been apart. And we get to bond and reconnect with a past, a city we lived in for a while. A place that was a temporary home and a person who shares this memory. Together we bring back to Life what does not exist anymore. A past and a place we have lost. All the places I have lived I still feel somehow connected to. Yet, I left them behind and even if I was to go back there. I find them not the same. They have changed, and things have moved on since I left. My fellow TCK and I stay in touch through Skype and pull through all the Good Byes. We have learned to be self-sufficient yet establish deep connections really quick. With friends, that is. That is who we are. And with friends, you can make it through leaving parties and let them go till you shall meet again somewhere else in another city. 

But when we get into a romantic relationship, the intimacy fears that most of us have, get just doubled, if not multiplied because of this lifestyle. My TCK client finds herself clueless and pessimistic when it comes to romance because of her lifestyle. 

“I do not want to go through a leaving party with my Soulmate. My heart can not handle that.”

‘I can tell when I open my heart and fall in Love, I will get it broken eventually. Everyone always leaves, due to travels and moving country. Friends are on Skype when the timezone is right. I know how to rely on myself. And I do not need anyone. I am used to doing things on my own. In a relationship, I hide parts of myself, also because I never fit in anywhere entirely anyways. It’s easier, saves me the hassle of trying. I have given up on feeling understood by someone. This is just my Life. I always keep that door open to freedom. I need to know, I can escape, and I always keep an eye on the Exit. That is what I know about Life.’

What I see many of my TCK clients do when they first come to me is. And that is my story too. Trying to feel selective. Enjoying the excitement and the spark of romance. Not wanting to face the fear of getting attached. And definitely not risking your heart is broken once it is time to move on again. Keeping romantic relationships at a superficial level and him always at bay. And he can feel it. The more he tries to get close, the harder I work to push him away. 

Does this speak to you? And have you come to a point in your life where you want to maybe start a family and no longer feel this way? 

Then my Modern Queen coaching is tailored to you. As fellow TCK and certified Dating and Relationship Coach, married to my soulmate. I can assure you that Love is possible for us too. 

Love, 

Anna Eden

 

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