Why the online dating website is NOT the problem.

This article is for you… 

… if you can wholeheartedly say that you HATE online dating!

if you have tried it and it leaves you frustrated, annoyed and exhausted.

if you are looking for a solution, want to take charge of your experience and are ready to stop blaming the website. 

This is an extract from a private session with a client who says:

“I did online dating for a while and the longer I stayed on the platform, the more annoyed and hopeless it made me feel. Online dating is superficial and does not work for me.”

I am sharing my reply and please brace yourself for a bit of directness. Once I am your coach, I am hired to help you get results. Not to keep you in the same place or let you slip into making excuses. 

Anna Eden: Let us take on a different angle to this for a moment and say the website is not at fault and not the problem. 

And no, this does not mean you are the problem. It just means you can be in charge of the website. If you learn how. 

When you see the website as neutral just like any engine.

The website will stop “doing things to you” and “it will stop being in charge of you”. Instead, it gives you feedback like a barometer on the following areas of your life: 

  • Your overall energy, joy and fun you are having in life offline.
  • Your ideas about men and what they are like. And what they are looking for online. 

If you have a negative mindset about what men are like and looking for, if you do not trust them and think they only want sex. Your life is already off-balance. You go online feeling tired/stressed out/annoyed from work; the dating website will only add on to that. In other words, it will be your barometer and show you exactly that. 

Let us say Steffie works very long hours and does not feel appreciated by her boss. She thinks that one day when her PhD is finished she can really invest time in dating. Also, Steffie is sure that it is very, very difficult to find a ‘good man’ these days. Plus, they all only want sex and are boring to talk to. What do you think will happen when Steffie goes online dating? If the dating website is a barometer, what will it show? 

When I met my husband, I have had access to the same dating websites as Steffie and was located in a region where some people may claim it will be even more difficult to find a match. 

At the time, I lived my best life. Every day after work I would go for a swim in the pool. I went at a time when the sun was down and the pool empty. I had it all to myself. I was being myself and doing all the things that made me happy. Sports, sauna, spending time with my cats and dog, eating cakes in my favourite coffee shop, listen to music on my headphones. I always smelled nice and dressed the way I felt good. I met with people that I enjoyed spending time with. I slept enough and I did what I wanted with my time.

Unlike Steffie, I was bursting with energy and excitement all due to how I was leading my day to day life. I was in charge of my mindset -Queen of my Mind- to a point that I was so sure I would meet my husband soon, and I was ready too. After meeting online, we were married within 9 months.

One thing I recall was my husband saying later on: ‘I like the way it felt to talk to you online.’ We started the same way as anyone would. 

‘How are you? How was your day? What are you looking for online? Where do you live? What do you work?’ 

Yet it felt different and the dynamic was different because of my energy. And his interest and how he kept writing me daily. 

It was fun – I recall sitting next to that pool after my workout,

or chatting and answering his questions about my wonderful interesting and exciting days.

He said ‘this sounds like a dream life you have’. 

And it did, and was and is. A dream life that I keep creating for myself every day as the Queen of my life. 

You are the Queen of your life and you are the creator of your energy. Get in charge and charge the dating website with this energy. 🙂 That is the way of the Modern Queen! 

Love,

Anna

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